This Is My Head

Mug Mug Mug

2005-06-08T00:28:00.000-05:00

Well it has been a bit since I have updated with anything important so here is some news from the world o' me that may or may not interest you......Either way I could give a rat fuck. I am really getting sick of the store where I am employed. The rest of the management team has my boss and I backed into a corner and we can't get out. The next two Saturdays in a row I have to be at work at 8 am for a department meeting with the GM until 11 and this Saturday I am scheduled from 10:30-6, which for those of you keeping score at home means yes I have to be there from 8-6 and than makes Fuzzy and VERY ANGRY FUCKING BOY!!! So you can chalk up 2 10 hour days for me this week because on Thursday I have meetings from 7:30 am until 10 and I am scheduled from 10-5 which means 6 for me. Of course by the time that Saturday rolls around I am going to have to shave some hours or risk getting written up for going into overtime. Now here is another problem that I and my boss are running into at that fucking place. They are pissed off that our sales numbers are slipping and that they are horrid when he and I aren't there, but when we attempt to train other members of our team and teach them how to sell products to people we don't have the manpower in the department to train them properly. We both also got an earful today because they have us selling magazine subscriptions ON TOP OF ALL THE OTHER SHIT THAT THEY WANT US TO SELL!! Now if you have a department where the ONLY 2 consistent sales people are the two most senior people in the department WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GIVE THAT DEPARTMENT MORE SHIT TO FUCKING SELL. So right now my boss and I don't know whether to shit or go blind. That and I told the Sales Manager today that I was going to have to change when I was available due to the fact that I am taking on another job because they don't pay me SHIT there and when I told him what time I had to leave four nights a week his reaction was about what I expected. Now is told me to "give him a couple of days and he'd see what he could do" about my pay situation, but I hate to inform them that even if they pay me more I am still gonna get another job to cover my ass.

Alright I am done venting I am gonna go jerk off and then go to sleep

Cheers
The Bastard

Lets Bounce Rock Skank Man I'm Ready to Roll

2005-05-25T16:46:00.000-05:00

Yes it has been a bit since I last updated this thing. Mr. Delicious and I as well as a couple of other friends of ours went on holiday last week and it was FUCKING BRILLIANT . Mr. D and I spent five days drunk on the high seas. I now also understand Jimmy Buffet. I don't care for his music but I do understand it now. I am also thinking about trying to get on with a cruise line as a bartender. It could be a lot of fun and besides everyone I talk to on the ship that was tending bar was having a blast. Well that is all and I need to go get a shower.

It Was A Hot Summer Night In Mid-July I Had A Hangover And A Black Eye

2005-03-22T22:33:00.000-06:00

Well I figured that I would go ahead and updated this thing seeing how I haven't in a long while. Work has been FUCKING INSANE. I got an unoffical promotion about three weeks ago, and since then I have been working a lot more and I have been a lot more stressed out. I found out recently that the waitress that normally takes care of CoffeeBastard and myself has a crush on me. Now the bad part is that she is TWELVE FUCKING YEARS YOUNGER THAN I AM!!!!!! I wouldn't have a problem with this BUT she isn't looking for a boyfriend as so much as a father figure. Either that or she has a thing for evil bastards like myself. I am really looking forward to Friday. One of my favorite bands is playing here in OKC at the Green Door. they are called "The Flametrick Subs". They are definetly one of the coolest bands that I have seen and Buster is a GREAT tattoo artist. I just can't wait to be able to go to Austin Tx and have him do some work on me. I ran into my buddy Chris from Tulsa. He told me how great the Social Distortion show was on Sunday the 14th at the legendary Cain's Ballroom. Well that is all for now. To learn more about the Green Door and the Flametrick Subs go to www.okcshows.com and www.flametricksubs.com . Until Next time bat fans

I'm out like the fat chick covered in beef tallow in the middle of the african savanah

Fuzzy

There Was This Verse That I Was Gonna Write I Haven't Yet But There's Still A Chance I Might

2005-03-07T21:58:00.000-06:00

Man oh man am I fat and happy tonight. PrpleRose, CoffeeBastard, WenchMum, and the WiseAssed Old Man and I went to a really great little Cajun cafe tonight. I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the food as well as the prices. So on with the news of the day. Saturday at work was interesting. We had a store meeting, but I and another guy that I work with had to be there earlier than everyone else for a pre-meeting meeting. Well the pre-meeting meeting was about how much they appreciated how much we do for them there and how hard we work and everything and how they wished that we still had senior associates in my department because if so we'd be them and blah blah blah and then they laid on us that we would be "unofficial senior associates and that we'd be compensated for it as well." When that was told to us we were floored. I thought that I was going to have to transfer departments in order to get a senior spot but not now. So yesterday at work a local dj came in and I had to give him a hard time. He use to be in there once or twice a month but then it kind of fell off. So when he came in I just start giving him shit and let him know that there wasn't really anything to get excited about release wise until next week. So we hung out and chatted for a bit and then not five minutes later one of my regular customers comes in and I hadn't seen this person in weeks. We'll call her CoolTulsaChick. When she comes in she makes a b-line for and is explaining why she hadn't been in the store for awhile and I let her know that we weren't gonna close just because she hadn't been in. Needless to say I loaded her up with all the cds and dvds she is gonna need for a bit. During the course of our conversation she told me she had moved back to Tulsa because her boyfriend had been transferred up there but she still works here in OKC at a pretty cool restaurant and bar. Well that is all for now kids I'll write more the the feeling hit me.

I'm out like the Twinkie Machine at Fat Camp

Fuzzy

There's War Goin Down Between My Brothers Tonight

2005-02-27T20:48:00.000-06:00

Wow somehow a complete shit storm has started here on my little corner of the web. I do think that is quite funny that some one who is a total chicken shit thinks that they know me better than people who have known me for 10+ years. I think this all started because I like to say the word fuck a lot. I realize that I say the word fuck a lot and I'd apologize but I don't give a shit.(thank you Lewis Black) All I have to say to the anonymous party who feels superior to me and my friends is this. If you really think that you are that much better than myself and others that I hold near and dear to me then stop being such a coward and let me and the rest of the crew know who the fuck you are. Just a side note NONE OF US REALLY GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE, We'd just like to know who is that stupid to try to compare brain pans with the likes of us. Well I am about to eat so that is all for now

Fuzzy

Quote of the Day:
Know what aurging on the internet and the Special Olympics have in common?
No matter win or lose you're still fucking retarded.

Rockin Myself To An Early Grave

2005-02-21T20:34:00.000-06:00

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! I am Mr. Fucking Popluar aren't I. Okay this goes out to all of you who either don't like the way that I spell things or what I say. Don't worry I'll keep it short and sweet and I won't use big words so that everyone can keep up. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I SAY OR HOW I SAY IT THEN DON'T COME HERE PERIOD. Now with that out of the way. I have been MIA for awhile and you are all probably wanting an explanation of my where abouts the last few weeks and guess what, YOU AREN'T FUCKING GETTING ONE. I know where I have been and so does PurpleRose as well as Mr.Delicious and Mr. Roofy and they are the only ones who matter. But I will give you hints.....But no the now. I will however letyou know that two weeks ago Mr. Roofy and I went to Dallas to see a great Psychobilly band called the Flametrick Subs. They played with a band called Rocket Deluxe and another one called The Susans. We got FUCKED UP on jager and Lonestar Beer. I got punched in my ass-cheek by one of the Satan's Cheerleaders after the show while I was talking to the guitarist from the Susans. This weekend I went down to Tejas again this time with PuprpleRose and Coffee Bastard. I met the other two PF girls and Murphy was there as well and We were ALLL ROCK STARS. A good time was had by all. Mr. Roofy informed me today that the Flametrick Subs are going to be here in OKC on March 25th at the Green Door. So that is all for now. I gotta get back to the "Compound" and finish laundry. Check out PurpleRose's blog at http://prplrosemmm.blogspot.com

Say It Loud I'm A Bastard and I'm Proud.

Fuzzy

P.S.
I want to let Mr. Delicious know that if you need anything in light of recent happenings at the Delicious' house call me or PurpleRose for ANYTHING AT ALL AT ANYTIME of the day or night

Don'tcha Touch Me Baby Cause I'm Shakin So Much

2005-02-01T01:59:00.000-06:00

Well this evening was interesting at the diner. The girl that I am dating calls me and asks me if a dated a girl named Jennifer around 1996. Now I have to sort through a lot of drug and alcohol induced haze to remember who this byrd is, and thankfully I do. So she was up at the diner doing some homework and just chatting away with Mr. Delicious and Savavge and the girl that I am dating(Who from now on will be called PurpleRose). She is asking about me and if I am dating anyone and so on and so forth. Now when she asks about me dating anyone the rest of the crew just kind of stop and stare at PurpleRose with from what I am told a really dumb look about them all. So PurpleRose pipes up well he and I are dating and that means that she gets interviewed about me. I was wondering something all day today and that is.....Why is it that most of my exs eventually track me down. Its not like I hate this chick or anything but she is just a WEEE BIT NUTS. That and she fucked up how you spell my name. It is not a hard name to spell. There are sooooooo much harder names out there than mine and she FUCKED IT UP!!!!! THERE IS NO Y ANYWHERE IN MY FUCKING NAME DAMN IT. NOWHERE IN THERE IS THE LETTER Y SO Y THE FUCK DID SHE PUT IT IN THERE. The years also have not been kind to her at all either. I mean Jaysus fuckin Christ. In other news today I had to talk to HER today. Again she proved herself a lying bitch. Remember every time that SHE contacts me I always like to put up here that she said that the last time was going to be the last time. Well after she asked her stupid question that has NOTHING to do with the divorce or her taxes she just sat there and I asked her if that was all that she called about and she hung up. So I took it upon myself to call her back and remind her that she told me FIVE FUCKING TIMES AGO(and I even posted the email to my blog) that she was never going to speak to me again. Hopefully this time will be the LAST FUCKING TIME. Well that is all for now my back is killing me and I need sleep before my doctors appointment tomorrow.

Cheers

Fuzzy
Tonights quote is brought to you by the Bastard Squad:

EVERYTIME THAT YOU PLAY DISCO THE BASTARD SQUAD THROWS A KITTEN IN THE WOOD CHIPPER

Londons Burning with Boredom Now

2005-01-28T01:32:00.000-06:00

Okay I want to make sure that all of you have your Duct Tape™ handy for the news that I am about to give you STRAIGHT from the "No Fucking Way" file. According to the major daily newspaper here in the OKC on Wed the Oklahoma State Senate is taking up a bill regarding "Cock Boxing". Now for those of you whose minds are in the gutters this is not going make it legal for you and another man to put a boxing glove on your penises and "duke it out". This is going to make it legal to have fighting cocks box. Frank Shurdin has introduced a bill to make cock boxing legal. This is from the apostropher.com:

An Oklahoma senator hopes to revive cockfighting in the state by putting tiny boxing gloves on the roosters instead of razors. The Oklahoma legislature outlawed the blood sport in 2002 because of its cruelty to the roosters, which are slashed and pecked to death while human spectators bet on the outcome.
But State Sen. Frank Shurden, a Democrat from Henryetta and a long-time defender of cockfighting, said the ban had wiped out a $100-million business. To try to revive it, he has proposed that roosters wear little boxing gloves attached to their spurs, as well as lightweight, chicken-sized vests configured with electronic sensors to record hits and help keep score.

I was also informed today by the Master of Logic that WE (the STATE of OKLAHOMA) made it onto a show on ESPN called "Pardon The Interruption" or PTI for those of us who watch sports television. The rest of the country already has five metric tons of material to use to make fun of us already why do we continue to give them more ammo. The rest of the nation already thinks that we are a bunch of hicks and dumbass rednecks. There are people in Georgia and Louisiana and Alabama who have been over heard saying "Remind me to NEVER go to Okla-Fucking-Homa. When Lord when we gonna stop passing out the ammo to make fun of us.

Well I gotta go wrangle the one-eyed gopher.

Fuzzy

This week's quote is brought to you by Boy (brother of Savage Bastard):
"There is no such thing as a one-eyed gopher"

He's Singin and She's there to Lend a Hand

2005-01-21T04:40:00.000-06:00

Okay today was an okay day I guess. I got some news that bummed me out. Cute/Cool Girl is moving about three to four hours away from here to go to university so tonight we hung out and it will be the last time for a long while. I know that I haven't been hanging out with her a lot due to our conflicting work schedules, but I am gonna miss her a lot. She is a really cool chick and now that I know that she isn't gonna be here in the morning makes me wish that I had hung out with her a lot more. I know some of you are gonna say this and that but frankly I really liked her not only as a friend but as someone with whom I could have had something great. So Cute/Cool Girl I am going to miss you soooooo much. I guess I kind of took for granted that you were gonna be so close for awhile that I never really made an effort after Christmas to just spend time with you. I just wish that I had more time with you that is all. Funny how you never realize how much you enjoy someone's company until they are no longer there. I wonder if this same shit is going through here mind right now? Oh well maybe it is maybe it isn't. I do know this I need to get some sleep so I can get up and give her a cd before she leaves. It is a cd that one of my bonny pirates made and we snagged it from him the first time we hung out and she deserves it.

Well no smart assed line to go here tonight I am just not in the fucking mood. I just want my Cute/Cool Girl for a few more days that is all I ask for.

Fuzzy

All the Hooligans and Boot Boys Know One thing For Sure

2005-01-20T14:01:00.000-06:00

Well last night Mr. Roofy and I were having a long email conversation about me going to see AGNOSTIC FRONT tonight. I just wish that I could go to the show tonight. Here is the main reason. I just spent my last borrowed $458.92 get my clutch fixed. So after some budgeting I have decided no Ag Front for me tonight. I really wish that I could go but I can't. I have decided to make a comp cd for Cute/Cool Girl and to answer a question that will be asked as soon as she reads this yes Cute Skinbyrd I'll make you a copy and mail it to you as well. I haveto work tonight so I think that I am gonna make this short and sweet and go grab a packet of smokes before I head to work. I'm sure that I'll write more after I get in from the diner tonight. Cheers all

I Met My Girl By The Gas Works Wall

2005-01-18T22:02:00.000-06:00

Just a short one tonight. Found out from Mr. Delicious that we broke his site, not completely, with all the posts on the forums his php(I guess that is the data stream) was almost full. So WE HAVE SUCCEEDED IN BREAKING THE INTERNET........kinda. I also took my car to the shop today and found out how much it is gonna cost me. Four hundred and forty quid, for a fucking clutch and assembly. So there we go. Well I have to be up EARLY for work tomorrow. Cheers all

You Say That I'm Different You Say That I'm Different Well The Only Thing Different Is The Way I Feel About You

2005-01-17T23:24:00.000-06:00

Okay so I know that it has been a bit since I have last posted, BUT there is a BRILLIANT explanation for this. You see Mr. Delicious has set some forums on his website www.theilluminatrix.com and well I have been busy there. You know what I always say "If you are gonna be late at least be home by Tuesday." I made it with a half an hour to spare so HA! As it stands right now our bonny pirate crew is up to 11 so I want all of you out there to get away from my blog and others and join our jolly crew.........Remember service guarantees citizenship..I mean it will be fun and filled with happy times. Now on with todays news.....Friday my bitch of an ex-wife has one of her dyke friends( I know I thought that it was funny that she has friends too. She probably tells all of them how I was such a horrible husband and how I use to beat her all the time and how after SHE kicked me out all I ever did was harass her and then I kicked in the door to her apartment and threatened her in front of her non-existent child) call me and pretend that she was Neil, so I hung up on the bitch and didn't say a word. I send my ex a message that simple states that "She would be wise to tell her boy(Neil) to never call me again.....Why would ANY member of my family want her at my sister's wedding." She then proceeds to tell me to "Think twice before threatening me, my friends, or the person I'm seeing...Get over yourself u fucking pussy u r all talk." Now there was no threat there at all. NONE. I don't make threats. If I want to kick someone's ass I do it. I don't talk about how I'm gonna do it or what I'm gonna do. If I am talking about it most likely it will not happen but if I don't like you already and want harm to come to you and I am NOT talking about beating the shit out of you then you need to worry. Then she came at me with "You're just jealous of me and my successful relationship." No I feel sorry for the poor old git having to see her naked all the time and listen to her bitch and moan about how fat she is all while INHALING TWO DOUBLE QUATER POUNDERS WITH CHESESE! Now I know I am not chiseled from stone but I don't bitch about being fat and then do nothing about it. Do you all remember me mentioning to you that "She was NEVER going to speak to me again" well again the FUCKING BITCH LIED. Oh well that was my weekend. That and my clutch going out in my car and not being able to get into the shop until today and then yesterday(aka Sunday) them changing the FUCKING schedule at work and them not telling a FUCKING SOUL about it. Yeah I got a call at 8:20 am asking "(Secret Identity) you coming in today??" To which I'm sure the slew of obscenities the exited my mouth and fell upon Other Music Geek's ears made him realize that they hadn't told me about the change in my in times. So that was my weekend.

I'm out like the skinny kid in a hot dog eating contest.

Keepin it Bastard

It's Taken Years But Now I See I'm Not The Man I Thought I'd Be

2005-01-12T23:34:00.000-06:00

Sorry I haven't updated in a few day. I have been working my ass off at night and sleeping during the day. So today my ex called me wanting to know if I had paid a bill yet because she is moving(aka possibly getting evicted) and her new place (which she is moving to so "no one will be able to find her" aka in with her new boyfriend Neil) is all gas. Now seeing how this bill is in my name she should still be able to get gas there in her name. Now for those of you who are familiar with my blog you will know that she said she was "never going to speak to me again" which is all fine and good with me but like always SHE FUCKING LIED!!!!!! I wish she would never talk to me again that would make my life so much better. In other news I would like to say hello and welcome to my friend in Minneapolis whom shall be called "Cute Skinbyrd". For those of you out there who don't know skinhead girls are called byrds. So HELLLLLLLOOOOOO Cute Skinbyrd. Oh Cute Skinbyrd you need to go to www.theilluminatrix.com and register and join our bonny pirate crew from afar. Trust me you'll get a kick outta us. I talked to one of the managers at work last night and he confirmed my theories that they are planning on promoting me soon. Now how soon I don't know but soon. From what my old boss and I can figure they are gonna give my new boss time to fuck up and then promote me to that spot. So that is all for now. For those of you who haven't you need to go to www.thesavagebastard.blogspot.com and see what he has to say and also go to www.theilluminatrix.com and register for our bonny pirate crew.

Cheers for now

Fuzzy

PS
I have decided to do something here to prove that everyone I know is a music geek.
I want everyone and I mean EVERYONE(including you Mr. Delicious) you name all the songs that the titles of my posts are taken from. You can email your answers to a_fuzzy_bastard@yahoo.com I will let you know who got the most you we can all make fun of that person a lot

The Fellowship Is Complete

2005-01-10T06:03:00.000-06:00

Now I know some of you are probably wondering "what in the name of all that is holy is Fuzzy doing up at this hour?" Well the truth is that I just got finished with a 14 hour sex marathon........No wait that was a dream I was having. I just got in from an almost 11 hour overnight shift at work since we have a "VERY" important visit on Tuesday. So I went in at 7 pm and got in a few minutes ago. And so you don't have to ask Yes I am exhausted and will be going to sleep soon and Yes I have to do it all over again tonight and be back in on Tuesday at 3:30 pm. So the purpose of tonight/this mornings ramblings is to say this. Savage Bastard has FINALLY started his own blog. So I will re-post Mr. Delicious and Mr. Roofy's respective websites tonight as well as give you Savage's blog address. Savage It is about DAMN TIME you got off your ass and started one. So here are the address Mr. Delicious is www.theilluminatrix.com Mr Roofy is www.johnnyroofy.blogspot.com and Savage Bastard is www.thesavagebastard.blogspot.com. So there you have it we are all here and you all can read all of the inside jokes that will be flying around to the four of us and you will all be lost like normal and feel like you are at the 24 hour diner even when you are at home or school or at work. Well I need to get some sleep since I have been up now for 24 hours.

Cheers

Fuzzy

P.S.
For those of you who haven't read about "Pirate Night" on Mr. Delicious' site please do it is VERY entertaining.

Some Day Maybe She'll Come Back To Me and I'll Say Why Don't you go FUCK YOURSELF

2005-01-08T03:52:00.000-06:00

WARNING: THE CONTENTS OF THIS BLOG ARE MEANT SOLELY FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF THE AUTHOR/ADMINISTRATOR AND HIS STAFF HEREFORTO REFERRED TO AS THE "BASTARD SQUAD" . ALL OTHERS FINDING OFFENSE WITH THESE COMMENTS CAN EXERCISE ONE OF TWO(2) OPTIONS. OPTION ONE(1)-FUCK OFF AND STOP SPYING ON ME APRIL OR STOP HAVING YOUR "FRIENDS" SPY ON ME. OPTION TWO(2)-STOP VISITING MY BLOG. I DON"T WRITE THIS FOR ALL OF YOU I WRITE THIS FOR ME AND ME ALONE. IF I REALLY FUCKING CARED WHAT YOU THOUGHT THEN THAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT BUT I DON'T SO FUCK OFF

So here are some more very intellectually stimulating thoughts from HER. I don't claim to know the roots to all that has happened but all I can say is that DAMN IT SHE SHOULD KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT STARTING SHIT. I just think that it is funny that she thinks this is all WE do. To answer HER question: NO we have other things that we do, BUT we can only masturbate and work so many hours in a day. So there fore we have to think up other things to do in lieu of making your life miserable. So here it is in its completely unabridged and unedited form HER response to "others" that I know and what she "THINKS"(God knows that took a lot out of her)WE are up to

as far as you are concerned let me explain this I have every reason not to trust Karly and things have been done to me so what I say has truth in it. So attacking me over a comment that you know nothing about is irrelavent. My comment not only has to to do with the fact I am tired of the drama but I feel that Karly needs some sort of WAKE UP CALL! So there ya go, I don't even hardly deal with the whole Dennyzen thing anymore due to the fact of all the drama....let's see I have alot more in life to deal with then a bunch of bs that cannot be controlled by anyone. As far as other things, I* myself was ostracized BY YOU and know that verbal so called potshots have been thrown at me. Let's see how many websites I can count that throw those at me shall we.....THREE! I have to deal with three grown men who have nothing else better to do in life than beat me down since a certain someone can't get over the fact that we are both at fault for our realationship. Thanks for the confirmation that nobody at Dennys knows the truth about anything.Thanks

I have never said that I wasn't at least HALFWAY responsible for the demise of my marriage. If you talk to ANYONE who knows me I have ALWAYS owned up to the fact that WE were BOTH responsible for the marriage failing. I don't nor have I EVER placed that full blame upon myself or upon her. Neither have I placed the full blame upon my SITH LORD whom does everything in his dark Jedi™ powers to ruin my life without even knowing or trying. I am man enough to admit that I was and am PARTIALLY TO BLAME FOR MY DIVORCE. I just wish that SHE was grown up enough to admit the same, but then again wishing for that would be like wishing that certain women that WE know actually had maternal instincts and took care of their children(wait to be theirs they'd actually have to raise them and be parents not just egg donors/sperm receptacles)

To read "The Company's" reply go here http://www.livejournal.com/users/thekillakitten/17351.html?view=16071#t16071

Well I need to go to bedI have to work tomorrow and go in all sorts of hung over WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO I feel sorry for the poor bastard who picks up shitty music

Now There's So Much Drama In the OKC It kinda hard to FU double Z

2005-01-07T01:49:00.000-06:00

WARNING: THE CONTENTS OF THIS BLOG ARE MEANT SOLELY FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF THE AUTHOR/ADMINISTRATOR AND HIS STAFF HEREFORTO REFERRED TO AS THE "BASTARD SQUAD" . ALL OTHERS FINDING OFFENSE WITH THESE COMMENTS CAN EXERCISE ONE OF TWO(2) OPTIONS. OPTION ONE(1)-FUCK OFF AND STOP SPYING ON ME APRIL OR STOP HAVING YOUR "FRIENDS" SPY ON ME. OPTION TWO(2)-STOP VISITING MY BLOG. I DON"T WRITE THISE FOR ALL OF YOU I WRITE THIS FOR ME AND ME ALONE. IF I REALLY FUCKING CARED WHAT YOU THOUGHT THEN THAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT BUT I DON'T SO FUCK OFF.

This is a comment that I pulled off of another friend of mine's blog whom shall be called GeekKitty. NOW I realize that I will probably piss people off by posting HER comment but I just don't give a fuck. See that is one of the skills that you develop and hone while at the "Bastard Academy". It is kind of like the Jedi Academy but COMPLETELY different. Now I have not edited HER post at all except for my true identity. I know I know most of you already know my secret identity, but again I don't give a fuck and I wanna keep it secret. I did,however, correct her paragraph format. So here it is some completely random thing that SHE posted mostly unabridged and unedited.

Karly,

I realize you are only 18 and you have alot of life issues to deal with but in no way shape or form are you learning from your mistakes. One thing to remember drama is not the best way to cause attention to yourself...and self loathing and pity get you nowhere. You have to realize that this whole thing you brought on yourself and the only way to be forgiven is when you come to grips that you have to stop wha† it is that you are doing and make things better for yourself. I know that you feel bad about the whole FU double Z thing, but what you did to Steph is beyond wrong. I care alot about the people that are getting hurt in these situations and you are not giving anyone any reason to forgive you at this point or giving anyone any reason to trust you. Learn from this Karly. Quickly before everything you have now becomes no more.

Now I wanna know just one thing............WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!! Now I realize that GeekKitty said somethings that she is regretting but JAYSUS MARY AND HOLY ST. JOSEPH I seriously think that she has lost her FUCKING MIND. I dunno what she is rambling on here about but my god. Oh YOU a bit of advice........CLARITY when you write PLEASE.......Your readers NEED to know what you are trying to FUCKING SAY.

Well that is all for now I need to get some rack time and then I have a long day of working and then drinking with the wise-assed old man.

Yes I know I am a Bastard

Cheers

FU double Z

PS

Make sure that you go to
www.theilluminatrix.com and www.johnnyroofy.blogspot.com You gotta see what the other two are writing tonight and by the way I think that Savage Bastard is going to be joining are jolly little blogging crew

Quick Update

2005-01-04T23:20:00.000-06:00

Final Score on the College National Championship football game

USC Trojans 55
OU Sooners 19
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe(those of you who know me insert manicial laughter here)
Go to www.johnnyroofy.blogspot.com and decided whether or not he is urban
also check out www.theilluminatrix.com and look at what Mr. Delicious said about my post New Years post

You Broke My Heart You Dirty Bitch

2005-01-04T21:50:00.000-06:00

So here I am watching and listening to the Orange Bowl(for those of you who aren't sports savvy it is the college football national championship game) and during the half-time show two of the three performers were booed. The performers were in this order Kelly Clarkson(who can't sing and neither can her backing vocalist) Trace Adkins(who Mother of Fuzzy informed me had been shot by his ex-wife and stabbed and a few other things) and Ashley Simpson. Now I have a question that I want all of you to give your input on. When the FUCK did Ashley FUCKING Simpson become a punk, and what gives her band members the right to wear FUCKING MOHAWKS. ALL POP PUNK WANNA BE PUSSIES MUST FUCKING DIE. One of her guitar players decided it would be a good idea to try to be Tim Armstrong and Billie Joke Armstrong at once. Now I use to have a mohawk. Mr. Delicious and Mr. Roofy both also use to have mohawks. Now I know Mr. Delicious and I use to get a lot of shit when we had our mohawks, and I am pretty sure that Mr. Roofy got his share of shit as well, BUT UNLESS YOU ARE CALLED TIM ARMSTRONG OR LARS FREDRIKSEN AND YOU HAVE A FUCKING MOHAWK THEN YOU MUST FUCKING DIE!!!!! I hate this shit. I got my ass kicked and in share kicked some asses for the morons to steal something near and dear to my heart. FUCK NO. Well I'll write more later .

Cheers

Fuzzy

Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced

2005-01-03T13:45:00.000-06:00

Well I'm sure that all of you have been thinking "Where the hell is Fuzzy Bastard??" Well let me reassure you that I am not in jail nor have I been there recently. I did however get pretty fucked up on New Years Eve. Mr. Delicious and I went against our better judgement and went to a party with Constance and her friend Cute/Blonde Girl. Well it turned out to be a total FUCKING sausage fest. Which is all fine and good if you like sausage which Mr. Delicious and I don't. We would have much rather it been a pie party. Now from what I can gather Constance has been telling all of her other friends about me and Mr. Delicious. The way I know this is whenever we were introduced to people their reactions were "Oh THIS is Fuzzy and Syd, Holy Shit". I just hoped that we lived up to whatever mantle she has put us on. So as the party progressed and I got drunker and drunker someone broke out the sacred herb, and I enjoyed much of the sacred herb and I was wasted. Then someone got the bright idea to play a board game called "Pass Out" and I kept getting fucking lost. Now normally this wouldn't be a problem me doing something when I am intoxicated but on other things as well that just fucks up the WHOLE DAMN MACHINE. I kept getting distracted by Cute/Blonde Girl staring at me. Now I am not her or Constance's biographer but I could have sworn(even though I was fucked up) that she was flirting with me, but then again I was FUCKED UP and that could have just been my imagination.(Breaks out singing the Temptations "It was just my imagination Running away with me") So that concludes my New Years Post. I want to wish you all a very Happy New Year from everyone here and the Bastard Family's Rockin New Years Eve.

Cheers

Fuzzy Bastard

The Opinions expressed in the post aren't entirely clear and therefore those responsible cannot be held liable for its contents.

You Can't Break Me Down

2004-12-29T01:05:00.000-06:00

First things first. Everyone MUST go to Johnny Roofy's blog and someone NEEDS to buy him this record: www.johnnyroofy.blogspot.com and also check out Mr. Delicious's incoherent rantings from last night at www.theilluminatrix.com. Quite good all of it. So next week I have to start looking for another job. They have SLASHED my fucking hours and after numerous promises from people that I don't seeing being fulfilled I have decided to get a second job and use my current one only as a part time gig. This would also help me save up cash for things that I need to get and things that I want.(like a 60 gig IPod yeah) So anyway today while at work I got asked some really stupid questions. Keep this in mind during this story. Apple IPods come with a disc that has software on it that you install and it has ITunes on it and makes it easier for you to upload songs onto your IPod. This guy calls today and talks to me for HALF AN HOUR about not being able to upload songs and I ask him repeatedly if he has installed ITunes and he swears up and down that he has and that he is getting pissed off at me for asking him this. After FORTY-FIVE FUCKING MINUTES on the phone the jack-ass says "I found a disc that says it is the support software is that what you are talking about?" YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! Yes that is what I am FUCKING talking about. Listen fuckstick next time someone asks you if you have installed the software that comes with your new toy for your overly indulged child who I can hear in the back ground whining and moaning because your dumbass treats a 17 year old son like he is still 10 and gives him everything and you wonder why your child has NO FUCKING DISCIPLINE, DON'T FUCKING LIE TO THEM!!!! Tell me that you haven't loaded it and then ask me if you should I will tell you yes and we can get on our WAY. Now I feel better. So that was all and now I am off to bed I have to work in 6 and 1/2 hours and I need sleep.

Kickin the bastardness up two whole notches

Fuzzy

It's Christmas Eve babe in the Drunk Tank

2004-12-25T09:49:00.000-06:00

Well last night we had the Bastard Family Christmas gathering. We were all there. Mr.Delicious, myself, Savage Bastard, Mr. And Mrs. Roofy, Constance and her boy and Chevon. It was a right jolly time. We all met up at the diner and had large amounts of coffee and sat and talked and hung out for a few hours. Yesterday at work was funny as well. I was hungover and still managed to out work most of the younger people who work with me. I let them all know that I did that all why despising life. Well it is time to open presents and spend time with my family. Happy Christmas to you and yours from all of us here at the Bastard Family Christmas Special.

Fuzzy

We laugh but no ones laughin

2004-12-24T02:59:00.000-06:00

First things first I am PISSED out of my head right now. I went to my pub(Hudsons Hideout 67th and Ollie for those of you familiar with OKC) tonight and Jacob got me all fuckered up with shots and pints. Now on to todays or yesterdays news. Cute/Cool Girl decided to kick me in the balls last night. I gave her the DVD that I picked out last night for doing my job. I snagged the LAST copy of Napoleon dynamite and gave it to her. She was all excited about it and then FIVE FUCKING SECONDS later says to me that she wants to be friends. IF she had told me this two weeks ago I could have saved a lot of FUCKING MONEY. Now for those of you who have had the (dis)pleasure of meeting me you all know that I am not materialistic and that if I am seeing someone that I like I am going to 1) Let them know that I don't have all the money in the world but I will still treat them like a princess and 2) Spend every last spare cent I have on them. Why you might ask??? Well for one I HATE money. I have lived from hand to mouth for some long( yes even before I was married) that I am completely comfortable living with the bare essentials that I can live and even thrive on 24K a year or less. I am sooooo use to being broke that I can make I can make four hundred quid last for a while. Tonight while at the pub I did meet another cute/cool girl but I'll refer to her as Cute/Irish Girl. She is really cute and fun and she likes to kiss a lot and she isn't 11 YEARS YOUNGER THAN I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Well my loyal reader I'll talk to you all tomorrow. Happy Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Cheers

Fuzzy

Hey you in the Red Dress I know you're not trying to impress me

2004-12-22T23:07:00.000-06:00

I just realized something. After re-reading the post in which in included my soon to be ex-wife's "last words to me"(we can only hope), you ALL now know my secret identity. Now with that out of the way on with today's news. Today at work I was doing what I normally do at work......WORKING. So about 10-15 minutes before I leave the general manager of my store comes up to me and puts his arm around my shoulders(normally not a good sign) and thanks me for doing my job. He then relates to me that his boss was in the store earlier today and notices that I am the only one in my department who is actually working and comments not only to my supervisor's boss but to my general manager. So he tells me that before I go I am to pick ouot a CD or a DVD and take it home with me as a token of their thanks. Then my supervisor's boss tells me "I'm gonna make sure that you are taken care of." Now I know what you are thinking and he didn't mean wiseguy "taken care of" but business taken care of. He then tells me that if he had an entire department of me that he wouldn't ahve to worry about that department. Personally I have no idea what I did or who I impressed but I do know this. If they had an entire department of me then there would be no one left there because one of me is enough when I am in a bad mood and I can't imagine 8-15 clones of me and me in a bad mood at the same time. If that were to ever happen I don't think that the place that I was working would be standing after two hours. Now I don't think that I do anything special at work. All I do is talk to people about stuff that I normally talk to people about(music, movies and to a lesser extent video games and computer software), and THEY FUCKING PAY ME FOR THIS!!!!! Now granted from my 12 years in the restaurant business I do have a strong sense of customer service and can tell from just a few seconds of talking to someone if they are going to be a needy customer or someone who basiclly knows what they are talking about. I also know how to keep myself busy if I can't find something specific to do or someone to help out immediately. The old restaurant saying is "You got time to lean you got time to clean." Now I have had this drilled into my head for 12 FUCKING YEARS so after the first year it was stuck and I now always have something to do. I guess that whatever I have done I have impresesed someone in management and they can't get enough of me and my work ethic. I friend Jason the other day told me I was a hoss. So anyway that was todays events I'll write more later.

Cheers

Shit I am a BASTARD

2004-12-20T23:48:00.000-06:00

I almost for got to do this. A girl I met recently through a VERY cool site called www.suicidegirls.com asked me to post this on my blog. She is doing a benefit for her local animal shelter and so I told her since I am in Oklahoma that I'd do what I could to get the word out so here it goes. I need everyone to go to www.suicidegirls.com/girls/MistiDawn and there is information there about how to donate to this fundraiser that she is having on New Years Eve. Now for all of you out there in the Evansville Indiana area GO TO THIS SHOW. She is really cool chick and she is doing this for a good cause. Now I know what you are thinking and normally I would be doing this for THOSE reasons but this time I am not. I cannot stand to see unwanted animals put down just to save space. So please do what you can to help her and her cause out. My God I am getting a conscience in my old age. I know I know......Enough with the hippie shit. Well all I have to say to that is think about the poor cute doggies and kitties(of which I am not a big fan) that these bastards destroy just to save space and to be complete and utter bastards.

Cheers

Fuzzy

Hope I never loose my wallet

2004-12-20T23:06:00.000-06:00

Tonight while at the diner with Mr. Delicious I was pondering what to write, and then I get home and get an email from my little sister. My little sister is engaged to one of the United States finest, A United States Marine. He is a great guy and a wonderful Marine. So from time to time I get these emails from her and her yahoo group "Girlfriends of Grunts". She knows a lot of the girls in this group who are dating or engaged to guys from his unit so whenever they are deployed they can fall back on each other. So this evening after work I open this email from my little sister, who from now on will be only referred to as "Sister of Fuzzy", kind of like the "Sisters of Mercy" but different, and it is a poem she found. Now keep all of these poems that she sends me regarding the military especially the Marine Corps. Part of the reason is I have a soft spot for Marines and will do anything and everything that I can do to help them and the USO out. I have had several roommates in the past that are Marines and they are a great lot. The other part of the reason is looking back on it I should have joined the Marines after high school. I wouldn't have gotten into nearly as much trouble as I did after school if I had but that is neither here nor there. While reading the poem that she sent me I started tearing up. I am man enough to admit it. The poem almost made me cry, which short of breaking my heart or kicking me in the balls is pretty hard to do unless you are my little sister or my niece. I have decided to post that poem here for all of you to read. Now this isn't a pro-war statement at all, although I am in complete 100% support of what we are doing there and elsewhere in the world militarily. So here it is and please comment on it if you would like. It is a great piece and also makes you think about what some choose to give up so we can be free.

>
>TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
>HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
>IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
>PLASTER AND STONE.
>
>I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
>WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
>AND TO SEE JUST WHO
>IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.
>
>I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
>A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
>NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
>NOT EVEN A TREE.
>
>NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
>JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
>ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
>OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.
>
>WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
>AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
>A SOBER THOUGHT
>CAME THROUGH MY MIND.
>
>FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
>IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
>I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,
>ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.
>
>THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
>SILENT, ALONE,
>CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
>IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
>
>THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
>THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
>NOT HOW I PICTURED
>A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.
>
>WAS THIS THE HERO
>OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
>CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,
>THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
>
>I REALIZED THE FAMILIES
>THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
>OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS
>WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.
>
>SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
>THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
>AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE
>A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
>
>THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM
>EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
>BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,
>LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.
>
>I COULDN'T HELP WONDER
>HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
>ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE
>IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
>
>THE VERY THOUGHT
>BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
>I DROPPED TO MY KNEES
>AND STARTED TO CRY.
>
>THE SOLDIER AWAKENED
>AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
>"SANTA DON'T CRY,
>THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;
>
>I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
>I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
>MY LIFE IS MY GOD,
>MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."
>
>THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER
>AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
>I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,
>I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
>
>I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
>SO SILENT AND STILL
>AND WE BOTH SHIVERED
>FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.
>
>I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
>ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
>THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR
>SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
>
>THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
>WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
>WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA,
>IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."
>
>ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,
>AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
>"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,
>AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."
>
>This poem was written by a Marine. The following is his request. I
>think it is reasonable.....
>
>PLEASE. Would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people
>as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our
>U.S. service men and women for our being able to celebrate these
>festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we
>owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who
>sacrificed themselves for us. Please, do your small part to plant this
>small seed.

Ya see what I mean......Well all I am off like a prom dress after a couple of shots. I need sleep and I have to be at work FUCKING EARLY in the morning.

Fuzzy Bastard
Commander of the 101st Bastard Divison

I told you she was crazy

2004-12-18T01:13:00.000-06:00

This is my closing arguement for my ex being FUCKING CRAZY read and enjoy:

Once again this is not funny. What I mean by not funny is using a tv show as an excuse to joke on someone you don't even know. Not like I have to explain myself to you but me dating him has nothing to do with his name. It has to due with the fact that I have been stuck with a heartless bastard and now I can actually be with someone who does actually have a work ethic as well as respect for others including his family. I am glad that my life and what I do is amusement for you and your worthless friends to which one with his pot calling the kettle black story knows shit all about me or anything else in my life for that matter. Seems to me that story is quite a bit contradictory considering the source and the instigator. This is why majority of the people you think are YOUR friends have nothing to do with you and will never have anything to do with you again. With your whole "Let's attack the ex it'll be fun" BS you have managed to cause quite the wall to be built up between you and people who shall not be named. Congratulations yet again for fucking up since it is what you do best. If you want me out of your life so bad then why are you trying to draw attention to yourself by continuing to start this shit?? It seems to me someone is a bit obsessed with the fact that HE could not make the marriage work and wants to use the excuse of not talking for 18 months to make himself feel better. The day you take a step back and look at what you have done as well as what you have allowed others to talk you into since you are such the follower, let me know. It would be nice to know that you are willing to admit that you were wrong, and it wasn't that great of a thing to do to be a bitter old bald bastard who let his Pseudo Intellectualist friend tell him how to run his life. I kinda feel sorry for the girl who settles down with you next thinking that they are going to be happy with you the rest of their life. I hope the new girl in your life realizes before it's too late and ruins her life like I did mine. If anything Kevin, I have become a better person in this whole deal, and will continue to do so. I was heading for the sticks with you and would have never made something of myself but thanks to you being such a cop out I can thank you for allowing me to make my life better. At least I am better than you in that aspect. Do me a favor, knock off the jokes. You would think that you would be a better person than that but I guess not. As for Syd since I know he is reading this, I hope one of these days that you get what's coming to you. Karma is a bitch and frankly she strikes with a vengeance. I will say this much if you die it would be quite the running joke for alot of people. You are a joke. Just because your son has a disease that can highly affect his life does not mean that you have it too. I think it's funny that you decided to call me the pot and you the cast iron skillet when you are no better than the next person. I know I am not perfect by any means but you are shit. As for Stoney, I never had anything against you until just recently. I hope one day you do realize that being friends with these two will get you nowhere and eventually they will do to you what they did to Shawn Hagan and blame it on someone else for sticking the giant knife your back. Have fun with that. I tried to be a friend to you where you tried to stab me just like other people I won't name. I thought you were better than that.And Kevin, one more thing....the comment you made to me earlier..... [10:44 A.M.]: Well I just can't wait for neil to knock you up and then leave like the rest of them have.......I should have seen the patternreal cute, it doesn't hurt me anymore. You have no power over me anymore. Get over yourself and move on. Let me live my life without having to worry about what you are going to say or do next. The moment that you drop this whole thing and leave me alone I disappear. So make it so. These are my last words to you Kevin. No need to reply because all attempts will go unanswered. Have a nice life and I hope and pray that one of these days you will see that you are not the person you claim to be and figure out that being a fraud and a compulsive prick get you nowhere. Thanks for leaving me, it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Keep in mind she was the one who didn't work from Sept of 2002 to Dec of 2002 and from Feb of 2003 to August 2003 and she is complaining about my work ethic. She also is the one who wouldn't talk to me about ANYTHING for almost 18 months and if I tried to ask her or talk to her about anything I would get one of the three responses 1) I'm just out of it 2) I don't feel well or 3) I'm just really worn out I didn't sleep well last night.

When Lord Whens gonna be my time

2004-12-17T10:45:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to tell you all that I still hate my soon to be ex-wife. Mr. Delicious that is a great story from last night. It brought a tear to my eye. Well I am off to get ready for work.

Fuzzy

P.S.
This is directed at a certain someone who threatened me yeasterday. Go ahead and try to shut me down I dare you. I'll just start another one someplace else or here again even and you'll never know about it. You can't stop me from saying whatever the FUCK I am going to say about you or whom ever else I feel like discussing on MY blog. I just wish that I could find YOUR administrator and have YOU shut down. One last thing before I am finished this volcanic spewage directed at you.........FUCK OFF AND DIE YOU STUPID BITCH AND WHILE YOU ARE AT IT STOP BREEDING AND CONTAMINATING THE COLLECTIVE GENE POOL

"____ You were going to call me a BASTARD weren't you"

I Don't Go Anywhere Without My Switchblade.....

2004-12-16T23:22:00.000-06:00

Okay so I have just booted up my computer and signed onto my messaging services and I see the following news story. It is rather long and detailed and I will interject where I feel it is necessary:

ADELAIDE, Australia (AP) - Two great white sharks attacked and killed a surfer while his friends watched in horror Thursday off a popular beach in the southern Australian city of Adelaide, authorities said. The 18-year-old man had fallen from a surfboard being towed by a power boat when the sharks attacked off West Beach mid afternoon, South Australia state Sea Rescue Squadron spokesman Fraser Bell said. One shark tore the victim in half and the second shark took the remains(well no shit), witnesses said. Two of the three 16-year-old boys who were in the tow boat witnessed the attack and received medical treatment for shock.(I wonder why only two were treated. I guess the third was use to seeing friends eaten by sharks. He either didn't like the bloke much or is just REALLY jaded)
Police and state emergency services said there had been no sign of the victim(since he was cut in tway and eaten) or the sharks since the mid afternoon attack despite extensive searches of the coast.
Bell said the sharks, also known as white pointers, were between 15 and 17 feet long. They attacked about 250 yards from a crowded beach.
``He fell off the surfboard and the shark appeared and took him,'' Bell told reporters.
``It tore him apart ... Apparently it tore him in half and the other shark came in and took the rest.'' (because if he didn't then that would be wasting their dinner and their mother taught them better than that)
A woman on the beach who was not named told Seven Network television the shark that led the attack ``caught his left arm and took him around the boat and then another shark has come in and they just took him to pieces.''
The group of four friends, all from Adelaide, had been on the water for just 30 minutes before the attack.
Asked if there were any chance the victim had survived, Bell replied, ``None whatsoever, and if he had survived we would have shot him just to put him out of his misery seeing how he was missing his penis."(There are reports that he is working as a CNN reporter now)
State police chief inspector David Lufty said beaches in the area would remain closed as the search continued for the killer sharks. A spokeswoman for the sharks said that the allegations against them are mean spirited and completely and utterly false. That they had no part in the alledged attack and that this is a part of vast dolphin/jewfish conspiracy, and that the charges all boil down to speciesism. This sort of speciesism has to be stopped. Just because we are sharks doesn't mean that we don't have feelings as well. Cut us do we not bleed, wrong us don't we avenge. Despite countless attempts a spokesperson for the dolphin/jewfish conspiracy coallition could not be reached for comment.
The tragedy is the second shark fatality in Australian waters within a week.
A 38-year-old man was killed by a shark while spearing fish on the Great Barrier Reef off northeast Australia on Saturday. (Spear fishing not such a smart thing to do in waters populated by GREAST WHITE FUCKING SHARKS. I know aussies aren't that bright seeing how most of them are decendants of convicts but come on grow a brain and think. Sharks are attracted to blood like someone I know is attracted to food. They can smell one part blood in a million plus gallons of sea water.)

I thought that was EXTREMELY funny and I had to share it with all of you. So that is all I had for today. You all might want to check out the story that Mr. Delicious is writing tonight about a pot and a kettle. It should prove quite humorous. To read the story go to www.theilluminatrix.com I'll write more when the mood hits me but I doubt that it will seeing how our legal department has advised me that it wouldn't be a good idea to use the material that I had prepared in light of a ongoing legal battle.

Keepin it Bastard

Fuzzy

"____ you have exactly 3 seconds to make the tea before I kick your teeth in"

Damn it

2004-12-16T02:58:00.000-06:00

First things first I think that I am catching whatever Cute/Cool Girl has. I have felt like shit all damn day long. She warned me that I was gonna get sick and now I believe that. Now on with the news. I found out today that MOTLEY FUCKING CRUE is playing in Dallas on St. Patrick's Day so I am not going to Boston. Cute/Cool Girl made that decision for us today. She vetoed flying to Boston for the ENTIRE St. Patrick's Day weekend (Wed-Sun) to go to Big D to see the Crue. I can't say that I blame her. I do believe that she was under the impression that we were gonna drive to Boston. I told her no that we would fly and she reminded me that I hate flying. To which I explained that I sure as fuck wasn't gonna drive across country so her veto wasn't challenged by anyone in the house or the senate. I mean come on how many more times are we gonna get to see the original line up of Motley Crue. So if you are looking for myself, Cute/Cool Girl, Mr. Delicious, Johnny Roofy and Gurr from Wed March 16 to at the earliest Fri March 18 we will be in Dallas getting intoxicated and tattooed. If you want info on the shows go to www.motleycrue.com and look around. . Well that is all for now the little white dot meaning no more telly is on. I have to unplug the set so the telly detector man doesn't detect my telly.

Wouldn't you like to be a bastard too

Fuzzy

P.S.
Johnny answer your phone from time to time when I call mate.

Daily observation:
The Special Olympics has added Equestrian events to the list. Now is it me or is it not a good FUCKING idea to combined tards(especially the the sip and puffs) and horses. I was wondering what was taking them so long to add something that will get people to watch.

News from the NO SHIT FILE

2004-12-15T01:26:00.000-06:00

Ex-Jane's Members Working on Debut Album. my favourite one I saw last week on yahoo news was "Japanese animation catches on in U.S."........NO SHIT FUCKTARD(Johnny the 50p is in the mail). I just had to share that with everyone

C'mon Baby Won't you show what you got yeah

2004-12-14T23:38:00.000-06:00

For some reason I have Rancid's "Salvation" playing on a continuous loop in my head. I guess my dj went on holiday again and didn't cover his shifts the bastard. I was at the diner tonight with Mr. Delicious and we have a new padwan bastard. He is called Wolfie and the bastard is strong with this one. He could be the one who is prophesied and will bring balance to the bastards. Johnny Roofy is ready for his bastard trials. So soon He will be ready to take on a padwan learner. In other news tonight....I left my blog open for comments so you guys would comment but I have only had one and it was from my soon to be ex-wife and I didn't like that so much. So to all of you out there COMMENT damn you. Yesterday Cute/Cool Girl and I went and looked at dogs. Now some people that I know say that I have been marked because of this. Personally I don't know. Mr. Delicious has decided that she has already named the kids,picked out the house, decided what college they are going to go to and has already banned him from the house because "that bastard all he ever does is get drunk and piss in the kitchen." So last night we took a poll and most people that we know also said that I was a "dead man walking". Now I dunno how much of that I believe but seeing how most of the opinions were from women then it might be true. I am just gonna go with the flow and let life take me where I am suppose to go. I think that I am gonna attend midnight mass for the first time in years. I dunno where I will attending mass. I thought about going to mass at the church where I actually joined the catholic faith but then the Father might wanna know why I haven't been to confession in years. Then I'd have to write "the book" of all the shit that I have done since my last confession and I might get a call from the Pope, which we ALL know is a BAD THING. Today at work it was another installment of a show I am gonna start called "GeekFest". For all of you who aren't hep to all things geek today was the day that the special edition of "Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King" and the "Lord Of The Rings Trilogy Special Edition Box Set". GEEKS AND NERDS AND DORKS OH MY!!!!!!!!!!! I FUCKIN SWEAR Mr. Delicious and I both have a better chance of getting laid before we die then most of these fuckers. Fuck That Guy has a better fuckin chance of having sex with a girl over 18 then most of these fucks do. Jaysus these guys made me look cool(that is pretty fuckin hard to do as well). There was a guy today that I swear on all that I hold Holy and sacred(yes there are somethings not many but some)who was wearing high-water plaid trousers a white short-sleeved shirt and a REALLY BAD PLAID TIE with a pocket protector and all and tape on the temple and nose of his glasses and I thought that he lost a bet and some one there are the store told me that he always dresses like that and he is in there at least twice a month if not more always on Tuesdays mid-afternoon. I guess that is why I never see him, thankfully today he was EARLY. I normally work the opening shift or I close or have completely off on Tuesdays. He talked VERY nasally and I had to go outside and "have a smoke" so I could laugh and get it all out of my system with another cruel and heartless bastard with whom I work. This cat was a piece of work. I almost felt sorry for the guy but then remembered that I am a cruel and unfeeling bastard unless some one kicks me in the balls or does something that I don't like to a friend of mine. Then I am an EVIL BASTARD and Mr. Delicious is a genius so together we are an evil genius. Well I am off to bed I have to be in FUCKIN EARLY tomorrow. 6 am here I come.

Cheers all

Fuzzy

Quote of the week:
Get up Neil I hate you!!

Well how do you like them apples

2004-12-13T01:32:00.000-06:00

A funny thing happened last night at the 24 hour diner. Last night I went on my first date since I filed for divorce with the really cute and cool girl that I met at work on Friday. We went to a hockey game last night after work and then I took her to the diner to meet some of my friend(I thought it would be nice for her to meet some of them). So needless to say there were some people there that I didn't mind seeing and a couple that I could or could not have gone with out seeing. Well Cute/Cool Girl and I are there about a half hour or so and are having a decent conversation with Preston and Jesse with Mr. Delicious chiming in every now and again from back and to the left, back and to the left.......back and to the left(sorry it had to be done) when I get a text message from my soon to be ex-wife. Now before I replay the film of said text message ladies and gentlemen of the jury I must add that my associate, Cute/Cool Girl, has told me to just ignore the message and let it go, but it is me and well I have Irish Alzheimer's(which is where you forget everything BUT your grudges....Mr delicious I'll send you the 50p in the mail tomorrow) so I cant. So the following is a verbatim translation of the text message:

You have a lot of nerve...At least I never flaunted who I am dating up there....You aren't funny
December 11. 2004 11:52:30 pm from 405-xxx-xxxx

First that was my diner LONG before I ever met you and LONG before I met Cute/Cool Girl. Second Cute/Cool Girl was going there long before she and I ever met and long before you EVER moved to this state. Third I'll continue to go to the diner long after you are removed from my FUCKING life. Fourth it is NONE of your FUCKING BUSINESS who I take up there. I never flaunted Cute/Cool Girl. We met barely 48 hours ago and YOU act like she and I are about to get hitched and we are rubbing it in your face. Yes I like her a lot and I hope the feeling are returned but we have done NOTHING so far and even if something had happened I sure as FUCK wouldn't put it up here or tell anyone about it. Right now we are just seeing where things are going. She just divorced in July and with me going through one right now she and I are just enjoying each other's company. Also keep this in mind that diner was MINE FIRST just like most of the people (save a very few)you hang out with were ALSO MINE.(I know that repeating yourself is a sign of insanity and I am CLEARLY in-fucking-sane.) Wooooooooo I am worn out more than a 2-bit whore on nickle blowjob night. I never knew being so angry could be so exhausting.

I'm out like the fat kid in dodgeball

Bastards of the world un-tied!!!!!

Fuzzy

Doom De Doom de doom doom doom...

2004-12-11T01:36:00.000-06:00

Well there isn't too much to report today. I geek outted a guy in front of his girlfriend today which was kind of cool. A guy I work with whose name I'll change to Michael and I were helping a young lady who was shopping for her boyfriend and when we asked what he was into she said "Electronics, Science Fiction, Music, Video Games and Computers." So Michael and I reply "Geek Stuff", to which she said no. I looked her dead in the eyes and called bullshit and informed her that I could tell my own kind and that she was in denial. Shortly after the exchange while I am showing her some cds he comes up and I inform him of his geekhood and how he should join the rest of us geeks and get out of the closet. He got a wee bit huffy and explained "I can't be a geek I play football." To which again I called bullshit and told him it wasn't like I called him a fag or anything and he should just come clean and admit and start living the life of a true geek. The life of a true geek means that at 12:45 am on a Friday night/Saturday morning you are in front of your computer......Jaysus I am pathetic. Good news on three fronts 1) I still hate my soon to be ex-wife and will be glad when the divorce is final. 2) I got my new car today and is sweet and goes fast and has GREAT brakes. The going fast and brakes thing kind of tie into each other. I was zipping along I-44 southbound on my way to see Mr. Delicious and Ms. Vicki at work and I saw an OHP trooper parked in the median and that is how I found that the brakes work great. 3) I met a girl tonight at work who is not only hot and like a lot of the same music that I do but she also wasn't sent in by the evil one to try and set me upto admit things that never happened except in the malfunctioning mass that might be a brain but the scientific community hasn't released their findings yet so when I know you'll know. Well I have a long day of driving my fast little car around and doing nothing at all.

Taking bastardly deeds to a whole new level

Fuzzy

But I'm not dead yet

2004-12-08T22:40:00.000-06:00

So here we are and it is almost a week after me being 30. As it happened I ended up getting called in to work the day after I got "Pirate Drunk" and was hung over and I sure that even after I showered that I smelled like a brewery. Mr. Delicious informed me this week that his son the little professor that he is thinks that I am Adam from the Discovery Channel™ show "MYTHBUSTERS". His logic behind it is "Uncle Fuzzy has no hair and so does Adam and Uncle Fuzzy wears glasses and so does Adam so they must be the same people." Now granted I wish I was as smart and mechanically inclined as Adam and Jamie and I sure as shit wish that I could blow up and break all the stuff that they get to break and blow up but I am, unfortunately my dear nephew, not Adam from that program. This also marked another milestone in my life. Mr. Roofy when asked by my other nephew "Dad what was it like when the dinosaurs were around." Johnny's response was "I dunno I wasn't around back then ask your Uncle Fuzzy he should remember." Now what I remember about the dinosaurs being alive Zilla is that we had to run and hide a lot and that is why you don't see your aunt anymore. It isn't the she and uncle Fuzzy are getting divorced its because a T-Rex ate her and now she is no more. A funny side note is the right after he ate her he died of a massive heart attack. I was also informed this week by a girl at work who has a crush on me that I'm like a brother to her and that she couldn't let anything get in the way of that. Of course I agreed in person but in my head I was thinking WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! Two weeks ago you didn't think that way and now all the sudden I'm like your brother. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH why must women make me want to pull my head off and punt it down the street.

Well that is all for now

Fuzzy

What the fuck did I do to myself

2004-12-04T03:13:00.000-06:00

Well tonight is gonna be a night that I don't remember.....lets just say I remember Gregger buying me a screaming nazi and after that it is kind of blurry......I need sleep and popcorn and gatorade..............I am gonna be hating life in a few hours

Holy Shit

2004-12-03T08:52:00.000-06:00

Well I can no longer officailly trust myself more later when I am drunk

Damn it Damn it Son of a Bitch

2004-12-02T20:03:00.000-06:00

Well I have four hours to go before I am 30. We all know what that means right? I can't trust myself after midnight, then again have I ever really been able to trust myself. I think Mr. Delicious put it well when he stated "You know I can't take myself anywhere without making a mess." I guess after all these years that I have to agree with him. On a positive note another mate of mine Darren aka Bilbo Baggins is coming to my birthday party tomorrow night. So it will be the Bastard Squad plus one tomorrow night at the pub. I also invited several people from work and some other people that I have known for years as well. We are gonna get all fuckered up at the bar and it is gonna be fun. Someone asked me why I picked that bar, and I told them because it has the best jukebox in OKC as well as some of the coolest people that I have met. In other news my soon to be ex-wife now has my cell phone number and in the last 24 hours has managed to call me 8 times and send one text message and she is the one who use to have a greeting on her phone telling me to stop calling her. In order to make sure when the last time I talked to her I asked Mr. Delicious and Mr. Roofy when the last time I bitched about her was and they both said "awhile". Also new tonight, it appears that the department that I am current;y working in and another department at my store are going to be fighting over me after Christmas. Makes me feel good to be wanted, atleast at my job. Now just to find a chick who is as interested in me as my job. That will never happen though. We (the Bastard Squad) have a better chance of getting elected to public office then I do of getting laid again. Then again stranger things have happen. Like Mr. Delicious getting engaged (well techincally he has been engaged twice but to the same woman) since his divorce.

Well more on Saturday aka Hangover Day

Say it loud I'm a Bastard and Proud

Fuzzy

Today was......

2004-12-01T01:13:00.000-06:00

FYI for all of you out there who have no idea about my temperment, I have your typical irish temper. In other words I have a VERY short temper and don't deal with people not moving with a purpose while at work. So on to today's story. There is this guy that I work with named Carl, and I swear to Christ and on all that is Holy this guy should be in Ms. Pell's tard herd. Today at work we got a truck in early so myself, my supervisor, and Carl were unloading the truck. I had to tell Carl at least 10 times where to put the different boxes and totes throughout the wherehouse. Well needless to say after the 3rd time I was getting tired of having Carl around. I pulled my boss aside and asked him what he wanted me to do with Carl. He told me to do my best to him moving. So long story short Carl is on my list of people to casturate when the Syd Revolution takes place so he does not poison the gene pool. I would say that he was dropped as a child but that would imply an accident. I guess the thing that pissed me off the most about the fucking kid is the fact that he came in at one and left at five. He was only able to work FOUR FUCKING HOURS while your truly was there for 12. Now granted I am a workaholic and have been know to work over 80 hours in a week when I was younger but damn it I am not getting any younger and I really could have used the help. Meanwhile in the department that I actually work in I have caught wind of a mutiny about to take place and our supervisor isn't even in place offically yet. Granted he isn't the best at managing his people but for fucks sake the guy doesn't get the fact that if you need to talk to one of your employees while he/she is with a customer WAIT until that person is finished talking to that customer and THEN correct them if they need it or tell them what you needed to tell them. Call me crazy but I think that the company that I work for needs to look a little more closely at whom they promote and who they hire. I'm sure outside of work Carl isn't nearly as annoying as Steve but my Christ he sure does come in a close fucking second. Well it is late and I have to get up early again for work.

Keep the Bastardry alive

Fuzzy

Quote of the week:
"Talk to me when your balls are finished dropping"

Wow What a Day.....

2004-11-29T20:40:00.000-06:00

Today was a great day(I didn't even have to use my AK). Sorry Syd I know that you already used that line on your blog but it was there and I had to use it. I didn't do a damn thing today but surf the web and download ringtones on my phone. I found a few Clash songs and TWISTED SISTER. We're not gonna take it No we ain't gonna take it We're not gonna take it anymore. I love that song. Just one programming note for all of you who have no idea where we, the Bastard Squad, live. We live in the lovely backasswards state of Oklahoma and today it was damn cold and we're gonna get some snow tonight and tomorrow and according to our "trusted" weathermen its gonna be the worse 1-2 inches of snow EVER RECORDED BY MAN. Now given the accuracy the weathermen here in this state with everything BUT tornados I'm gonna kick the shit outta all 12 of them if when I go to work tomorrow morning at the ass-crack of dawn(aka 6 am) if there is more than 2 inches of snow on the ground. It reminds me of a thing that Lewis Black said in one of his bits about being in a blizzard in NYC. Al Roker was predicting a foot of snow and they got THREE. Giving him the benefit of the doubt he was off by 2 FEET. If you were a roofer and you built a ROOF and you were off by two feet YOU'D STILL BE DOING TIME.(Thank you Lewis you are an inspiration to all of us with the Bastard Squad.) Well that is all for now I'll write more later.

Stay Bastardy

Fuzzy

Steve and Joe with Sprint™ rock

2004-11-27T23:29:00.000-06:00

No matter what people say about SprintPCS™ I dealt with two people from Sprint who rocked. Steve in customer service was very helpful and Joe in tech is just as big of a geek as all of the members of the Bastard Squad. Joe was wonderful and helpful and HE LIKES THE WHO!!! I also got him to say "bastard" on the phone, and a note to his supervisors if you are gonna give Joe shit for saying bastard on the phone just keep in mind two things 1.) He was only repeating what I said and 2.) Just be glad that Johnny Roofy doesn't work for your company. I know for a fact that Mr. Roofy has said worse things to customers who may or may not have deserved it while at work at the call center he where he is employed.(programming note for "Steve"[ not Steve whom I just bragged about earlier in this post]Employed means that you have a job. We all know how you have a problem with big words like cat and dog) For those of you who are new to "This Is My Head" in order to get an idea of some of the Bastard Squad's inside jokes you need to go to www.theilluminatrix.com and www.johnnyroofy.blogspot.com you will get interesting insight to the way we think and act.

Cheers for now kids

Fuzzy Bastard

I was set-up I swear

2004-11-27T21:50:00.000-06:00

Well turns out that the red-head that I met at the store that I work in the other day was a setup. My soon to be ex-wife was soooo devious as to have someone that she knows actually come into my store and pose as someone that I use to wait on at the last bar that I worked at. Jesus how childish is that. A message to my ex-wife: Next time you give someone an email address to give out to me make sure that YOUR OWN NAME isn't on the account as the name of the person that owns the account. Now on to today's rants. We know this twat who is called Steve. Steve is probably the most annoying and loathsome human being that I have ever had the displeasure of meeting in my time on this planet. Now I know that I am not chiseled stone, but Steve is a fat worthless piece of shit and his own friends even hate him. Tonight while sitting at the 24 hour diner in Norman Mr. Delicious and I over heard some of Steve's "friends" talking SOOOOOOOOO much shit about him that all he and I could do was just sit there. You see Steve's "friends" think that Mr. Delicious and I would run and tell Steve what we have heard. You see we don't care enough about him to do that. In order for us to even want to tell Steve these thing two things would have to happen. 1.) We would actually have to give a rat's ass about what is said to or about Steve, and 2.) We'd have to give a shit about something or someone that is not immediately involved in our daily lives and/or problems. It just proves a theory that Mr. Delicious, Mr. Roofy and I have had for quite sometime about Steve, and that theory is that even the people that hangout with Steve hate him. You see Steve is this wanker that we three use to hangout with a lot but because we grew tired of him and he really wasn't contributing anything to the group anyway we just stopped hanging around with him. Anytime that Steve would call Johnny, Syd or myself we either wouldn't answer OR deliberately try to start an argument so that he would hang up the phone. Long story short Steve is an annoying fat worthless piece of shit and I loath the day I ever met him.

To continue the east coast/west coast/red states rap battles that we have going I say to Syd and Johnny:

Sssssllllut ASS BUTT FUCKERS BIATCH!!!!!!!!!

Go to www.tard-blog.com and you'll understand

I was wondering.....

2004-11-27T01:24:00.000-06:00

I was wondering something today while enjoying the company of so many joyful and thankful holiday shoppers today. Does the IQ of everyone in this country drop significantly from the time that they finish their Thanksgiving dinner until the time that they arrive at the retail stores they have decided to patronize. I believe that they opened the doors to all the fucking loony bins in the country and tell them to go shop. I had a guy call up today and keep me on the phone for half an hour today looking for a cd from a group that doesn't even have a fucking record deal. Only about half the people that I dealt with today actually were there to shop the other half were looking for free shit and then had the gauk to BITCH about the sale ending at noon. Just a little hintif you are looking for free shit in my store DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME. Another thing don't call me a fucking liar and tell me that I am hoarding certain video game systems (Playstation 2) in the back just to keep you down. We sold out of our PS2s with in the first two hours we were open today. Bitch to Sony not to me, and another thing don't come up to me with a copy of two games called Grand Theft Auto:Vice City and GTA: San Andreas and ask me if I think they ae good for a 10 year old kid. Do you think that games that have mobsters, hookers and breaking every law known to man is a good thing for your child to play you FUCKING MORON. Would you let me give your child a M-16 or a M-1 garand to play with the FUCK you wouldn't......You'd kick my ass just for suggesting that. So don't ask me if I think a game is right for your child. When looking for a fucking cd KNOW THE NAME OF THE GROUP OR ARTIST THAT FUCKING RECORDED IT. Don't ask me someone who listens to punk rock and ska and reggea if I know what the new Chingy and Lil Jon cds are called because I am not gonna FUCKING KNOW. Those are my helpful hints for keeping your retail sales associate happy and keeping them from wanting to kill you.

Here we go

2004-11-26T09:21:00.000-06:00

Well it is the day after Thanksgiving aka the biggest shopping day of the year in the retail world. I'm sure I will have TONS of things to report about the morons I'll have to deal with today. I'll make a full report when I get home from work.

I never thought that I'd do this

2004-11-25T23:31:00.000-06:00

Well here we are on Thanksgiving Day and I am making my first posting. I turn 30 in exactly one week and I don't really feel 30. I was however made to feel REALLY fucking old last week at work. A co-worker of mine, who shall remain nameless for the time(Kara), and I were putting up some cds in the store and we are having a decent conversation when out of the left field bleachers she says to me and I quote-"You should date my Mom." Now needless to say that my reaction was the expected one and when I removed my jaw from the floor I asked her old her mom was. I'm glad that I did say what popped in my head after she said that. Then two days ago my compounding years reared their ugly heads again while putting out some DVD's I saw in order 16 Candles, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Weird Science, the Breakfast Club, and Pretty in Pink with the heading "High School Reunion Collection". WHAT THE FUCK when did I become OLD. Mr. Delicious, Mr. Roofy and I are gonna start our own t-shirt company. We just need to get the start up capital and we are on our way to WORLD DOMINATION, but knowing the three of us we'll never do it. It would help if we left the pub or the 24 hour diner we hang out in long enough to do it.

Be sure to check out my mates' pages btw

Syd Delicious's page: www.theilluminatrix.com
Johnny Roofy's page: www.johnnyroffy.blogspot.com

Cheers for now kids

Fuzzy Bastard